Emotional Detox Plan: get your head healthy and the rest will follow

Forget faddy diets and quick fix get fit plans – if you really want to make lasting changes in 2008, find out how to get in shape emotionally for the New Year

Accentuate the positive

As we stagger from the festive season, January tends to bring a cold snap of self-criticism as we focus on our 'bad' habits. We become full of should-isms – 'I should get fitter, richer or have a better job'. It’s easy to forget the strength and learning gained in the previous 12 months that we carry with us into the New Year.

'We put an awful lot of pressure on ourselves to make far too many changes just because it’s New Year' says life coach, Dr Sally Ann Law. 'Better to look at the beginning of a year as an opportunity to identify what’s working and what isn’t in life – making sure not to disrupt the stuff that is working or that makes us happy'.

How to …

Think about three things that made you feel really good about yourself over the last 12 months. Don’t analyse it too much – just let three things emerge.

What was it about these things that made you feel good? How did they leave you feeling? Most importantly, try to formulate a plan which will allow you to make space for more of these sorts of things in 2008. Perhaps an achievement at work has uncovered some hidden talent that you can further explore, or maybe you’ve really enjoyed spending time with certain people – can you develop these relationships further?

Say farewell to the negative

A study by Yale University psychologist Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, linked increased depression with people who consistently mull over past negative experiences. The study explained how constantly running over problems leads people to question their own judgement and ability to resolve difficult experiences.

To tackle the unresolved issues that play on your mind it can be helpful to recognise the difference between completion and closure. Whilst, for example, an argument with a loved one may be over, or completed, it may still leave issues for you – you may not have forgiven them, or their comments about your behaviour may have opened a new can of worms. This means that you have not reached what psychologists would call 'closure' – the issue is still live for you.

'You may decide that it is too painful or will cause too much turbulence to try and resolve an issue' says Law. However, 'If you decide to let it go – perhaps by forgiving someone or deciding someone isn't going to be a part of your life anymore - then you have to make that a decision absolutely, or else you haven’t really let it go'.

How to…

One way of letting something go is to ritualise the process by writing yourself a letter, giving yourself the time to reflect on your emotions surrounding a certain issue or event. Start by outlining the situation and then try to identify the emotional conflict or tension preventing you from finding closure; ask yourself 'what is this really about?'.  

Write about and explore your different options – worrying over it, letting it go or acting on it. Try to visualise what these options would mean, and how they will make you feel in the long term by asking questions such as: 'what is the worst outcome?' 'What would be the best?' Finally, write your intended plan based on these findings. It might be that you need to cut ties with a friendship that is no longer healthy for you, that you need to take action on something that you have been avoiding or that you need to make amends with someone. Most importantly, stick to what you decide.

Getting out of a rut

A rut is a deep and ongoing pattern of behaviour that you would like to escape from but that is hard to climb out of. Perhaps you watch too much TV, don’t get up early enough in the morning, drink too much or snack more than you would like. Whatever your bad habit or negative routine, research has shown that willpower alone will not break them, but that changing your routine is the key.

Research by Wendy Wood, a psychologist who studies habits at Duke University, North Carolina, revealed that routines are formed through a combination of repetitive behaviours and fixed triggers in our environment. For example, if we always walk the same way to work and pass the same bakery with inviting smells of pastries; we always go in to buy one and then regret the growing waistline. The key to getting out of a rut is not just to tackle the issues surrounding gaining weight and overeating, but to change the routines and triggers that encourage bad habits.

How to …

Think about the habit or negative routine that you want to change. What changes in your environment or daily routine can you make to help you adopt new patterns of behaviour? For example, try walking a new way to work to avoid the bakery and enjoy the new surroundings; put a curtain over the front of your television so that you are conscious of every time you turn it on; meet friends in a café rather than a bar and have a tasty non-alcoholic drink. It can be as simple as a right-handed person holding a glass with their left hand – things that make us conscious of what we routinely do while believing that we have the power to make a change.

Risk just a little more

 'Risk taking and a little stress can be a great way to bring spice into your life and make you feel excited while opening new doors' says Law. But while change often involves taking risk and letting go of what is safe, it’s important that it remains within the limits of our own tolerance.

Taking risks elevates us out of a comfort zone and into a learning or growing zone. Thinking back to all the risks you have ever taken – crossing a road for the first time, learning to ride a bike, going into a social situation alone  – each has brought with it a different reward or something learned.  

How to …

The main block to taking risks is fear. Fear of making a mistake, losing friends, getting hurt or simply being wary of the unknown. The first question to ask is about timing – 'is it the right moment for me to do this?' 'Do I have enough security in some areas of my life to take risks in others?' If all is well at home, for example, then it may be a good time to look at making changes in work.

If you feel ready to take a risk then talking to others that you trust to get some feedback and another perspective can be helpful. Try asking yourself 'what is the worst thing that could happen?' If you feel you can live with the answer, then more than likely you are ready to take the risk.

Keep it in balance – look after yourself

Working through emotional issues, whether it's letting go of negative energy, trying to quit smoking or drinking or readdressing your relationship with food, can be difficult so it is important to reward or treat yourself as regimes of complete denial or abstinence generally don’t work.

In modern society we are surrounded by a lot of focus on individual success that is based on material possessions, lifestyle status and an unerring focus on being one of the 'winners'. This can result in individuals feeling guilty or shameful for doing things that make them happy, whether that is lying in bed all day at the weekend, shopping or having the odd drink with friends.'‘If you are doing a good job of being a human being, then don’t be a martyr' says Law. 'There is nothing wrong with indulging in things in that give you pleasure'.

So while January may be the perfect time to detox your head of negative emotions and behavioural patterns, remember to stimulate your positive emotions too by treating yourself from time to time, guilt free!